Wedding Stress / Updates

I don't know how my husband does it. I annoy myself when I get into one of my stressing and freaking out moments. I can't imagine how anyone else can handle it. But I guess that's just reconfirmation that this is the man for me. (Love you, honey!) 

Anyway, the "oh my god, we're running out of time and there's still a butt-ton to do" stress kicked in. We've got four months, and most everything is fairly automatic, so it's really not even that bad. But in my head, everything was just a jumbled mess. So after a particularly poor night of sleep and a rough day at work, I needed to do something.

That something for me involves graph paper and colored pens. I needed a color-coded to-do list. (The graph paper is because I need it to look semi-even, or the effect is lost.) We ended up staying up until midnight, even though my husband and I both were ready for bed way before that. But I felt worlds better and things have been pretty good since then. Alright!

So what have we done recently? Spent a bunch of money, that's what! We decided to get some photos done. We had gotten a special photo package for under ¥20,000, but what we failed to understand was that package only included one picture. If we wanted any of the other 50 pictures, we would have to shell out a hefty fee. The first one we were presented was ¥160,000! We went for the cheapest "data only" plan. A nice ¥60,000. Oh my god.

Just yesterday we went to a shop to design our wedding rings. Neither me nor my husband know or care much about jewelry, so it wasn't a fun idea to spend ¥150,000 or more on rings. But we want/need rings, so what were we to do? A kind of dream for me from about a year or so ago was to make my future wedding rings. My husband, being the great guy he is, agreed instantly. So yesterday we went to the shop and carved and filed some wax into our ring prototypes. The price was about the same, but at least now we have the emotional value that makes the price tag an easier pill to swallow.  

Now we're doing a lot of the waiting game. We're waiting for the invitations. We're waiting for the photos. For the rings. For photos from our families. For my passport... Oh geez, I totally forgot about all the legal stuff we still have to do for me....I guess I'm making another list... 

Oh and tomorrow's mission is dress hunting!

Wedding Tradition Rants

edit: It was brought to my attention, that the tone in this post with regards to my dad is very easy to misunderstand. I had only negative feelings towards the tradition. I felt nothing bad towards my dad. At all. What I meant as a loving joke in the middle (i.e., he's borrowing my spotlight) was in no way serious or criticism. One of the things I love about my dad is that he loves getting dressed up. It helps that he's such a handsome man. For an old guy. And for my dad. This rant was just how I felt about the tradition itself. Of course, I very much want my dad to be involved in my wedding. I've now added some marks to show where I'm not being serious to hopefully communicate more clearly what I actually meant.

So my mother and I got into our first (hopefully not of many) heated exchange with regards to the wedding. It was due mainly to me being overtired and Mom forgetting that she forgot to tell me some important info, but in the end it was decided that my father would be walking me down the aisle or at least something to a similar effect.  

Personally I had (I've gotten over it) really mixed feelings about this. I didn't have to think about it before, because it was assumed that my dad, as the cameraman, wouldn't want to partake in this tradition. But he had other thoughts on the issue and expects to be given that honor. 

The thing that I don't like about the tradition is what it symbolizes. It basically is the father giving his daughter to her husband/new owner. It's the passing of property. And it's pretty messed up, if you ask me. So the emotional part of me is like "Um, no. Ain't nobody givin' me away! I'm gonna walk myself over to my new partner."

Of course then the logical I-want-to-keep-the-peace-and-everyone-happy part realizes that even though that's what the tradition symbolizes, my dad doesn't mean it that way. He just wants to get dressed up and show me off. <teasing sarcasm> Or so he says. I'm sure he actually wants to get dressed up and for everyone to see him dressed up. He's gonna borrow my spotlight for a minute.</teasing sarcasm> And that's 100% okay. So when I stop to think about it, I don't have any problem with him walking me down the aisle to my husband. 

But it took a couple days before my emotional side and my logical side worked their issues out. I thought that if I'm going to be this annoyed, stressed, and conflicted now, I'm giving up the whole wedding thing. But it's okay and planning is back on track. 

But I'm sure there will be another dispute when I tell my dad he can't wear a tuxedo. I'm going to wait to tell him. Shhh! <winky face>

"Just don't flaunt it in my face"

 woke up the other morning and groggily checked Facebook while waiting for my morning elixir (aka coffee) to brew and I came across George Takei's posting of the picture below. Now, I would guess that anyone could see that these signs were made to point out the absurdity of when people say these things to homosexuals buy directing them to heterosexuals.  But after reading the comments (I'm a glutton for punishment, obviously), it became glaringly apparent that people missed the point. But the one thing that really got on my nerves was how people kept saying "I don't care who you fuck - keep your sexuality in your bedroom" or "I agree that PDA is gross and no one should do it".  People seem to be under the impression that PDA is just playing tonsil hockey at the park or more. Yeah, maybe that should be kept a bit more private in general, but that could be the Japanese society wearing off on me. But as one of the good comments pointed out, every time you hold your partner's hand or give them a quick peck on the cheek, that's PDA. Freely talking about your recent engagement and showing people your wedding pictures could be seen as announcing and flaunting your sexuality, especially to those who can't.

Another comment that kept creeping up was "why do celebrities feel the need to come out publicly? I don't care" and "why aren't there any straight pride parades?" I'd like to hope that one day no one will care about other's sexuality at all. And that people will be able to comfortably live and love openly. But until that day, we need those in the public eye to set an example and to show people that it's okay. A celebrity "coming out" gives courage to the everyday people out there. It shows them that they're not alone. The same happens when people gather together and can openly show their support for one another, regardless of their sexuality. Hopefully the day will come when people don't need to publicly announce their sexuality, but until then, why don't you help the cause? Or at the very least, shut up and recognize that those who face unwarranted discrimination need to do things that those who are in a privileged position don't. 

And everyone should feel free to hold hands with the person they love.

My country?

About a year or so ago, I went on a couple dates with a Japanese guy who kept saying "In your country,...".

"In your country..."

"In your country..."

And it irritated me unto no end. Hence just a couple dates. One of the reasons is because I knew he wasn't interested in me as Neena - he was interested in me as an American. And I don't have time for that.

But the other day, one of my friends who is in the US for a work project emailed me saying "Neena, I'm in your country!". I was happy for him, naturally. But there was a twinge of something, not quite irritation, but something. And I'm next to positive my friend doesn't just think of me as some American, so why should it bother me?

I've thought about it for a few days now, and I'm sure it's because I don't feel such a strong connection with the US anymore. I haven't stepped foot on American soil since I left it in 2008 and everything I see about it in the news just angers me. (The news isn't exactly a full representation of the country, I know.) I have no real desire to go back anytime soon. And of course I am a US citizen and I don't feel shame in saying that. But it's not my home, and I also don't feel like it's my country.

I talked about this with another friend the other night, and he joked "You're basically Japanese!". I have found my place here, yes. And I'm comfortable here, but I'm also aware that Japan will never be my country either. And I'll be accepted as "basically Japanese" by my friends and maybe even a few others, but I'll always be "some American" or "the foreigner" to most people. Sometimes that makes me sad and sometimes a little angry. But it's a choice I've knowingly made, and one I'm okay with.

I'm from the US.
Japan is my home.
I have no country.
I am me.

Is this how you woo the ladies?

I had deactivated my profile on the dating website a while back and for kicks and giggles reactivated it recently. And today I had a mini conversation with someone that ended with "Well you can go to Hell for all I care Devil."

Now, my profile states clearly that I am an atheist. There's also a section where you can answer some questions about various things. So when obviously very religious people email me because I'm "such a beautiful lady", I have to wonder what they're thinking. Usually I just ignore them. But this morning I was feeling a bit confrontational.

So I got an email from someone in a completely different country. "You're so beautiful. blah blah. I'm interested in a real relationship. blah blah. Let's start as friends. blah blah. I'm sincere and not a lair [sic] blah". I checked his profile, noticed his country of residence, looked at how he answered some questions, and drew the conclusion that there was not a chance in hell.

So, I responded with "It seems pretty clear that you didn't look at my profile much. There are clearly some issues we don't see eye to eye on. Also we live in completely different countries."

He said he did read it and that he was coming to Japan for vacation. Now, first of all why do I want to have a real relationship with someone who's coming here for vacation? Really. Anyway.... I told him that I hoped he had a lovely vacation then.

Not knowing that was his cue to stop, he said that it seemed like I didn't want to meet him. (Ya think?) Apparently he was a bit slow on the uptake, so I went with "Actually I'm not interested in meeting someone who places religion above science and who views homosexuality as a sin. I hope you have a lovely time in Japan though and good luck finding love." For the record he also said that contraceptives are morally wrong, that God and religion the most important part of his life, and that he always does what his parents tell him. I'm pretty flexible about a lot of things, but none of those.

I thought my message was frank but polite. But he felt it deserved a "Well you can go to Hell for all I care Devil".

"I don't believe in hell. But thanks anyway. Have a nice life!" (I should have included a smiley....)

"Brave" Christians living in the Bible Belt.

This should not be a thing.....

Okay. My goat has been got. I've seen way too many posts on facebook from people back home about "like if you're not afraid to praise Jesus" or something to the effect of how they may be persecuted but they're brave enough to let everyone know they're Christian. I'm not sure I can take it much more. 

Let me make this clear. If you live in the Bible Belt of the US, you are NOT being persecuted, nor are you being courageous by praising Jesus. When Creationists are invited to review biology textbooks (Texas, I'm talking to you), and you're legally allowed to refuse to someone birth control because it conflicts with your religious beliefs (maybe think about a different job), your opinions clearly have either the majority's support or the loudest support. 

When you're attacked for talking about science while on break by coworkers you're not even talking to. When you can't read a book by Richard Dawkins in a cafe. When you have to "come out" as an atheist to your family and friends and actually risk losing them in the process. THEN you can maaaaaybe talk about bravery. And in the Bible Belt, heaven forbid you be Muslim! Or even "look Muslim"! (Can people stop being racist, just a little bit?)

And we're still talking the USA. As an atheist in the US, I might face some "persecution" but I don't face danger. Immediate anyway. Putting aside political decisions that degrade access to good healthcare, education, and quality of life. Someone might yell at me in the cafe but they're not likely to torture or kill me. And Christians in the Bible Belt very seldom even need to worry about the verbal attacks. 

Now there are definitely some places where both believers and non-believers face persecution. Those people bravely follow their faith or non-faith. No one should be under fear of bodily harm or death because of something they believe. 

But Christians back home, you are not living with any kind of fear and your persecution complex is coming across as entitled, inconsiderate, and childish. So kindly knock it off. 

English

Today I met one of my friends and we talked about his English, Japanese people's English in general, learning English, etc. we often talk about this, because that is what my friend's job is about. I mean, I guess it's what my job is about to, but it's a bit different.

Anyway, I went into a bit of a rant because I had recently come across people who get all pissy because a Japanese person doesn't speak English. If this is at some place that specifically deals with foreigners - like immigration for example - then, yes I can see your complaint being valid. Japanese bank? Post office? Supermarket? No, you don't get to complain about them not speaking English.

I think from the Japanese side, it would be beneficial for the individual to know some English, for their own personal careers, experience, opportunities, etc. And it would definitely be good for businesses and organizations to have English speaking staff on hand. But for a foreigner to expect, or worse demand, that there be someone to aid them in English is awful imperious, don't you think? You're in Japan. The language of Japan is Japanese. Japanese people use Japanese. You should expect to hear Japanese from Japanese people who live and work in Japan. What right have you to come to Japan and demand that they speak a different language?

I, of course, am not good at Japanese. There're some things I don't think I could do in Japanese - like open a bank account or deal with contract stuff - without a friend's help. So I'm grateful to the English speakers who have helped me - both staff and friends. I realize they are under no obligation to me to speak English. So I appreciate that they do even more.

Okay, rant over.