My country?

About a year or so ago, I went on a couple dates with a Japanese guy who kept saying "In your country,...".

"In your country..."

"In your country..."

And it irritated me unto no end. Hence just a couple dates. One of the reasons is because I knew he wasn't interested in me as Neena - he was interested in me as an American. And I don't have time for that.

But the other day, one of my friends who is in the US for a work project emailed me saying "Neena, I'm in your country!". I was happy for him, naturally. But there was a twinge of something, not quite irritation, but something. And I'm next to positive my friend doesn't just think of me as some American, so why should it bother me?

I've thought about it for a few days now, and I'm sure it's because I don't feel such a strong connection with the US anymore. I haven't stepped foot on American soil since I left it in 2008 and everything I see about it in the news just angers me. (The news isn't exactly a full representation of the country, I know.) I have no real desire to go back anytime soon. And of course I am a US citizen and I don't feel shame in saying that. But it's not my home, and I also don't feel like it's my country.

I talked about this with another friend the other night, and he joked "You're basically Japanese!". I have found my place here, yes. And I'm comfortable here, but I'm also aware that Japan will never be my country either. And I'll be accepted as "basically Japanese" by my friends and maybe even a few others, but I'll always be "some American" or "the foreigner" to most people. Sometimes that makes me sad and sometimes a little angry. But it's a choice I've knowingly made, and one I'm okay with.

I'm from the US.
Japan is my home.
I have no country.
I am me.

2014 - 19 days in

o it's 2014. Another year. I always think "this is the year". Every January I say, "This is it. This is the year". For what exactly? I have no idea. And while it's always a year. I don't know that it's the year. But I guess that's mainly due to not knowing or defining what it is that makes a year the year.

This year I've set lots of little goals. Cook more. Drink more water. Eat out more. Make more time for myself and friends. Work smarter, not more. Try to catch up and keep up with photos and blogs.

And travel to Kyushu.

That must be it. This is the year for me to finally visit Kyushu.

The end of another year fast approaches

It's hard to believe how fast this year has gone by. And I'm not really sure what I did to pass it. Did I do anything significant? Did I accomplish anything? Did I learn anything? Did I experience anything new? Did I help anyone else? Did I give any significance to my existence?

I fear not. 

But what should I have done? I basically don't believe in having regrets. Obviously we have them and I've regretting doing or not doing something. But I always fight against that tendency to dwell on those. I think regrets should actually be treated at lessons or experience. So I ask what I should have done in order to determine what I should do from here on out. 

Plug of Sorts

his is just a short shout out to two of my friends.

One of my friends ("the Sendai Guy") is a writer. He's currently trying to get his first book "Across America" published. Part of that process includes getting excerpts of it published in various places. The prologue of the book has been uploaded on Docue!, a site for "extreme adventurers". For anyone who can or who is trying to read Japanese, please check it out!

"Across America" by Kairi Yada: Prologue

Okay, friend one down.

I'm trying very hard to read the Sendai Guy's writing, but my Japanese isn't quite at that level. My level is high enough to know that he writes very well and beautifully. But because of that, I have trouble grasping the meaning. And here in comes the second shout out. Another good friend of mine ("the English Curator") has been slowly but surely helping me work my way through the Sendai Guy's writing. The prologue isn't so long, but there's a lot of metaphors and imagery to work my way through. So, it's gonna be a long process. So I have to express my appreciation at the English Curator's patience. I'm also really glad he's got such a great command of both Japanese and English.

By the way, if you're interested in English learning, here's a site for you: Wailingual

Is this how you woo the ladies?

I had deactivated my profile on the dating website a while back and for kicks and giggles reactivated it recently. And today I had a mini conversation with someone that ended with "Well you can go to Hell for all I care Devil."

Now, my profile states clearly that I am an atheist. There's also a section where you can answer some questions about various things. So when obviously very religious people email me because I'm "such a beautiful lady", I have to wonder what they're thinking. Usually I just ignore them. But this morning I was feeling a bit confrontational.

So I got an email from someone in a completely different country. "You're so beautiful. blah blah. I'm interested in a real relationship. blah blah. Let's start as friends. blah blah. I'm sincere and not a lair [sic] blah". I checked his profile, noticed his country of residence, looked at how he answered some questions, and drew the conclusion that there was not a chance in hell.

So, I responded with "It seems pretty clear that you didn't look at my profile much. There are clearly some issues we don't see eye to eye on. Also we live in completely different countries."

He said he did read it and that he was coming to Japan for vacation. Now, first of all why do I want to have a real relationship with someone who's coming here for vacation? Really. Anyway.... I told him that I hoped he had a lovely vacation then.

Not knowing that was his cue to stop, he said that it seemed like I didn't want to meet him. (Ya think?) Apparently he was a bit slow on the uptake, so I went with "Actually I'm not interested in meeting someone who places religion above science and who views homosexuality as a sin. I hope you have a lovely time in Japan though and good luck finding love." For the record he also said that contraceptives are morally wrong, that God and religion the most important part of his life, and that he always does what his parents tell him. I'm pretty flexible about a lot of things, but none of those.

I thought my message was frank but polite. But he felt it deserved a "Well you can go to Hell for all I care Devil".

"I don't believe in hell. But thanks anyway. Have a nice life!" (I should have included a smiley....)

"Brave" Christians living in the Bible Belt.

This should not be a thing.....

Okay. My goat has been got. I've seen way too many posts on facebook from people back home about "like if you're not afraid to praise Jesus" or something to the effect of how they may be persecuted but they're brave enough to let everyone know they're Christian. I'm not sure I can take it much more. 

Let me make this clear. If you live in the Bible Belt of the US, you are NOT being persecuted, nor are you being courageous by praising Jesus. When Creationists are invited to review biology textbooks (Texas, I'm talking to you), and you're legally allowed to refuse to someone birth control because it conflicts with your religious beliefs (maybe think about a different job), your opinions clearly have either the majority's support or the loudest support. 

When you're attacked for talking about science while on break by coworkers you're not even talking to. When you can't read a book by Richard Dawkins in a cafe. When you have to "come out" as an atheist to your family and friends and actually risk losing them in the process. THEN you can maaaaaybe talk about bravery. And in the Bible Belt, heaven forbid you be Muslim! Or even "look Muslim"! (Can people stop being racist, just a little bit?)

And we're still talking the USA. As an atheist in the US, I might face some "persecution" but I don't face danger. Immediate anyway. Putting aside political decisions that degrade access to good healthcare, education, and quality of life. Someone might yell at me in the cafe but they're not likely to torture or kill me. And Christians in the Bible Belt very seldom even need to worry about the verbal attacks. 

Now there are definitely some places where both believers and non-believers face persecution. Those people bravely follow their faith or non-faith. No one should be under fear of bodily harm or death because of something they believe. 

But Christians back home, you are not living with any kind of fear and your persecution complex is coming across as entitled, inconsiderate, and childish. So kindly knock it off. 

My trip to Sendai (Day 2)

See the first day's post here.

e woke up a little later than we had intended, but after quickly getting ready our kind host took us to the local market. Apparently the market has been running for a long time and after the disaster it was finally restarted in spring of this year, through the support of the Canadian government or a Canadian organization amongst others. It was smaller than usual due to construction, but it was still decent sized. I was really hoping to get some coffee from one of the vendors that I saw, but we ended up getting suckered into an sumi-e lesson. I'm not really into art and I was as awful as I expected. But everyone was kind and pointed out the nice parts of my crab picture, like the kanji that I use for my name. I'm not sure if people are actually this kind, or if they're just humoring the foreigners, but anyway, that wasn't the point of today.

After the market and the lesson, we needed to quickly get back to the junior high school that we had visited the day before. This was the meeting point for the volunteer work we were to join. We joined a volunteer project organized by STEP. There are still 41 residents of Yuriage who are missing. So our job is to look for them. By uncovering and digging through drainage ditches. Naturally we weren't going to find a body in those small areas, but at this point they're looking for anything, personal artifacts or remains. I know it's grim to talk about but it's very important and this is what these people are facing everyday. Being able to send loved ones off with a proper funeral rite is very important in Japanese culture and until something is recovered so that one can be done for each person whose life was taken that day, closure can never be had for those families.

The work was in no way fun. It was quite physical - some tasks more so than others. I initially was set on cutting "grass and weeds" (I think they had grown beyond those labels) down with a shovel so someone else could lift the concrete panels up. After that another person dug all the dirt out of the ditch. The ditches are about a foot across and about two feet down. I was then shifted to the task of raking through the dirt looking for anything as I scooped the soil back into the ditch to be recovered with the panels. Not much was found that day - some toy car, a broken necklace, and some dishes. I found nothing more than pieces of glass and lots and lots of weird bugs. I guess I also found a renewed interest in doing volunteer work though. I hadn't done any physical volunteer work since graduating university. I had done some proofreading in the past but I never felt like that was really doing anything. I guess because so many people aren't physically able to help and while I'm not in shape, I am definitely able-bodied enough to do something.

We left the work a little early because at the center there was a guest who would be telling her story from the day of the earthquake and tsunami. We arrived a few minutes late, but we made it for most of her story. I only caught a fraction of what she said, but I got the gist of what was going on. She worked at a nursery school near the coast and when she found out about the approaching tsunami she made a quick decision on where to go. There were three evacuation spots - the community center, the junior high, and the elementary school. The elementary school was the furthest spot away from the nursery school, but she figured the road to the other schools would have been extremely crowded. So she decided to take the long route to the elementary school. She talked about how they tried to protect the kids both from the physical and mental damage from the earthquake. She worried about them looking outside and seeing the destruction happening around them. She worried about what to do if the children started crying for their parents. She worried about how to feed all the children with only 7 bread snacks. She worried about what to do about diapers for those still in them. She talked about how she and the other teachers there dealt with this. She talked about the lessons she learned - about the power of children's hearts and about the importance of preparation. She, along with everyone else, realized we can never underestimate the power of nature.

After the volunteer work, I was physically exhausted. After listening to the woman's story, I was emotionally drained. So after checking back in with the volunteer group who had finished up for the day by that time, we chatted a bit, said another prayer at the memorial in front of the junior high school and then set off for the nearby spa/public bath. We said our goodbyes and thanks to our gracious host, got cleaned up, and then headed back onto the road. It was a long trip home filled with traffic and some swear words at said traffic. Everyone was drained and nerves were frayed. I don't know how my friend handles this everyday. I suppose that he's become numb to it on some level, much in the same way that the locals have had to in order to survive and begin to move on. I don't know that I'd ever be able to do that, but I definitely want to help again.  And I can't even begin to express my gratitude for my friend inviting me up to Sendai and for organizing this whole experience. 

Kairi Yada's blog: tsunami2011.jp

STEP's blog post: http://54renzock.jugem.jp/?eid=1942