Is this how you woo the ladies?

I had deactivated my profile on the dating website a while back and for kicks and giggles reactivated it recently. And today I had a mini conversation with someone that ended with "Well you can go to Hell for all I care Devil."

Now, my profile states clearly that I am an atheist. There's also a section where you can answer some questions about various things. So when obviously very religious people email me because I'm "such a beautiful lady", I have to wonder what they're thinking. Usually I just ignore them. But this morning I was feeling a bit confrontational.

So I got an email from someone in a completely different country. "You're so beautiful. blah blah. I'm interested in a real relationship. blah blah. Let's start as friends. blah blah. I'm sincere and not a lair [sic] blah". I checked his profile, noticed his country of residence, looked at how he answered some questions, and drew the conclusion that there was not a chance in hell.

So, I responded with "It seems pretty clear that you didn't look at my profile much. There are clearly some issues we don't see eye to eye on. Also we live in completely different countries."

He said he did read it and that he was coming to Japan for vacation. Now, first of all why do I want to have a real relationship with someone who's coming here for vacation? Really. Anyway.... I told him that I hoped he had a lovely vacation then.

Not knowing that was his cue to stop, he said that it seemed like I didn't want to meet him. (Ya think?) Apparently he was a bit slow on the uptake, so I went with "Actually I'm not interested in meeting someone who places religion above science and who views homosexuality as a sin. I hope you have a lovely time in Japan though and good luck finding love." For the record he also said that contraceptives are morally wrong, that God and religion the most important part of his life, and that he always does what his parents tell him. I'm pretty flexible about a lot of things, but none of those.

I thought my message was frank but polite. But he felt it deserved a "Well you can go to Hell for all I care Devil".

"I don't believe in hell. But thanks anyway. Have a nice life!" (I should have included a smiley....)

"Brave" Christians living in the Bible Belt.

This should not be a thing.....

Okay. My goat has been got. I've seen way too many posts on facebook from people back home about "like if you're not afraid to praise Jesus" or something to the effect of how they may be persecuted but they're brave enough to let everyone know they're Christian. I'm not sure I can take it much more. 

Let me make this clear. If you live in the Bible Belt of the US, you are NOT being persecuted, nor are you being courageous by praising Jesus. When Creationists are invited to review biology textbooks (Texas, I'm talking to you), and you're legally allowed to refuse to someone birth control because it conflicts with your religious beliefs (maybe think about a different job), your opinions clearly have either the majority's support or the loudest support. 

When you're attacked for talking about science while on break by coworkers you're not even talking to. When you can't read a book by Richard Dawkins in a cafe. When you have to "come out" as an atheist to your family and friends and actually risk losing them in the process. THEN you can maaaaaybe talk about bravery. And in the Bible Belt, heaven forbid you be Muslim! Or even "look Muslim"! (Can people stop being racist, just a little bit?)

And we're still talking the USA. As an atheist in the US, I might face some "persecution" but I don't face danger. Immediate anyway. Putting aside political decisions that degrade access to good healthcare, education, and quality of life. Someone might yell at me in the cafe but they're not likely to torture or kill me. And Christians in the Bible Belt very seldom even need to worry about the verbal attacks. 

Now there are definitely some places where both believers and non-believers face persecution. Those people bravely follow their faith or non-faith. No one should be under fear of bodily harm or death because of something they believe. 

But Christians back home, you are not living with any kind of fear and your persecution complex is coming across as entitled, inconsiderate, and childish. So kindly knock it off. 

My trip to Sendai (Day 2)

See the first day's post here.

e woke up a little later than we had intended, but after quickly getting ready our kind host took us to the local market. Apparently the market has been running for a long time and after the disaster it was finally restarted in spring of this year, through the support of the Canadian government or a Canadian organization amongst others. It was smaller than usual due to construction, but it was still decent sized. I was really hoping to get some coffee from one of the vendors that I saw, but we ended up getting suckered into an sumi-e lesson. I'm not really into art and I was as awful as I expected. But everyone was kind and pointed out the nice parts of my crab picture, like the kanji that I use for my name. I'm not sure if people are actually this kind, or if they're just humoring the foreigners, but anyway, that wasn't the point of today.

After the market and the lesson, we needed to quickly get back to the junior high school that we had visited the day before. This was the meeting point for the volunteer work we were to join. We joined a volunteer project organized by STEP. There are still 41 residents of Yuriage who are missing. So our job is to look for them. By uncovering and digging through drainage ditches. Naturally we weren't going to find a body in those small areas, but at this point they're looking for anything, personal artifacts or remains. I know it's grim to talk about but it's very important and this is what these people are facing everyday. Being able to send loved ones off with a proper funeral rite is very important in Japanese culture and until something is recovered so that one can be done for each person whose life was taken that day, closure can never be had for those families.

The work was in no way fun. It was quite physical - some tasks more so than others. I initially was set on cutting "grass and weeds" (I think they had grown beyond those labels) down with a shovel so someone else could lift the concrete panels up. After that another person dug all the dirt out of the ditch. The ditches are about a foot across and about two feet down. I was then shifted to the task of raking through the dirt looking for anything as I scooped the soil back into the ditch to be recovered with the panels. Not much was found that day - some toy car, a broken necklace, and some dishes. I found nothing more than pieces of glass and lots and lots of weird bugs. I guess I also found a renewed interest in doing volunteer work though. I hadn't done any physical volunteer work since graduating university. I had done some proofreading in the past but I never felt like that was really doing anything. I guess because so many people aren't physically able to help and while I'm not in shape, I am definitely able-bodied enough to do something.

We left the work a little early because at the center there was a guest who would be telling her story from the day of the earthquake and tsunami. We arrived a few minutes late, but we made it for most of her story. I only caught a fraction of what she said, but I got the gist of what was going on. She worked at a nursery school near the coast and when she found out about the approaching tsunami she made a quick decision on where to go. There were three evacuation spots - the community center, the junior high, and the elementary school. The elementary school was the furthest spot away from the nursery school, but she figured the road to the other schools would have been extremely crowded. So she decided to take the long route to the elementary school. She talked about how they tried to protect the kids both from the physical and mental damage from the earthquake. She worried about them looking outside and seeing the destruction happening around them. She worried about what to do if the children started crying for their parents. She worried about how to feed all the children with only 7 bread snacks. She worried about what to do about diapers for those still in them. She talked about how she and the other teachers there dealt with this. She talked about the lessons she learned - about the power of children's hearts and about the importance of preparation. She, along with everyone else, realized we can never underestimate the power of nature.

After the volunteer work, I was physically exhausted. After listening to the woman's story, I was emotionally drained. So after checking back in with the volunteer group who had finished up for the day by that time, we chatted a bit, said another prayer at the memorial in front of the junior high school and then set off for the nearby spa/public bath. We said our goodbyes and thanks to our gracious host, got cleaned up, and then headed back onto the road. It was a long trip home filled with traffic and some swear words at said traffic. Everyone was drained and nerves were frayed. I don't know how my friend handles this everyday. I suppose that he's become numb to it on some level, much in the same way that the locals have had to in order to survive and begin to move on. I don't know that I'd ever be able to do that, but I definitely want to help again.  And I can't even begin to express my gratitude for my friend inviting me up to Sendai and for organizing this whole experience. 

Kairi Yada's blog: tsunami2011.jp

STEP's blog post: http://54renzock.jugem.jp/?eid=1942

My trip to Sendai (Day 1)

This past weekend I went to Tohoku for the first time thanks to the invitation from my good friend who's been working up there. He invited me and a few others to get a glimpse into his life in Sendai by showing us around the area he's been involved with and then having us spend some time doing volunteer work. I was quite honored to be invited for such a tour and experience. The host is a very special person and a very important friend so I want to be able to support him even in this small and maybe inconveniencing (especially for him) way. Anyway, it ended up being quite an emotionally interesting trip so I'd like to chronicle it here.

Day 1:

I woke up early so that I could hop on the train and be at Nishi-funabashi station by 7:30. I would be riding up with three other women - one Australian and two Japanese - via a rental car. None of us had met each other before, so I was a bit worried about being able to find them. Luckily I had the driver's phone number, and after calling her, I quickly found her. We found two Japanese women talking to each other and glancing our way, so I went over and asked if they were part of our group. They were. "Sweet, let's get this show on the road!" We got the rental car and got onto the road pretty quickly. Thanks to modern technology and an iPad with a nice GPS system we somewhat easily navigated our way onto the highway. I'm sure the driver felt otherwise, but chatting with each other and listening to music helped time pass, and our excitement grew as we went through the mountains and the green fields of the countryside.

When we arrived, everyone was a little tired (especially the driver) and we were more than happy to take a break in our host's apartment. I must say, I was jealous of his place - it was really nice and about the same size as my place for half the price. Eh?! And he wasn't being arrogant when he had told me he had a good eye when it came to furnishing and decorating a room.

There are so many unclaimed school bags.

Anyway, after we all got rested up, we decided to set off to Yuriage, a part of Natori, where my friend's been doing the majority of his work. This area had been completely devastated by the tsunami in 2011. Even in areas where the water "only" reached 1.5 meters or so, devastation was complete. A place that was once filled with homes was now just fields of green overgrowth. We stopped and went into the elementary and junior high schools. At the elementary school, one person lost their life. At the junior high school, 14 people passed away.

As soon as I entered the elementary school, I was filled with a sense of sadness and something like pity. It was my first time to see the effects of the disaster with my own eyes and not just on TV or the internet. I couldn't help but imagine the fear that those children felt on that day. And the fear and sorrow they continued to feel with their lives in a complete upheaval because of it. They had lost so much. Belongings that had been collected in the days, weeks, and months after that terrible day had been collected and sorted at the school. While I was told there used to be much more in the gymnasium, I knew that there was still too much. Too many things unclaimed. Too many things lost.

Symbols of support came from all around Japan.

We next went to the junior high where a monument had been erected as a memorial to those who lost their lives there. We lit incense and said a silent prayer for them. We looked around the outside a bit before walking to the little center that had been set up by the road in front of the school. 閖上の記憶. Memoire de Yuriage. It's a little prefabricated trailer that serves as a place for people to gather and share memories, hopes, anxieties, dreams, etc. It also is a place for visitors to hear and learn about the town and the events that took place on the day that changed, and sadly ended, so many lives.

We watch a movie about the center and some of the activities that they've promoted. We also watched video clips of the tsunami that destroyed the town. I remember seeing lots of clips from other areas like Iwate where the ocean came and swallowed everything in its watery path. The tsunami that hit Yuriage was so different. It was a sludge of a monster that consumed everything as it churned through the town. I saw houses being moved, cars disappearing, and fires burning in the relentless black waters. It was amazing and horrifying at the same time. As nature often is.

A place that was once filled with homes now is nothing but old foundations and grass.

Sunflowers have become a symbol of hope and recovery.

After leaving the center, we decided it was time to switch gears and do some relaxing. That meant a drive to an onsen! I love onsens and I was really looking forward to a nice outdoor bath. And that's just what we got. It took us a little bit of effort to find it, but it was well worth it. The Australian and I had time to really get to know each other. I think foreigners in Japan often connect quickly, but not many things make you bond much faster than chatting while naked in a bath together. We took in the sounds and surroundings while talking about work, dating, families, and Japan. After about an hour we all met up in the lobby to go home and eat.

The host had prepared for a pasta dinner so he and I set to cooking. My new Australian friend was tuckered out so she answered some emails while dinner was being prepared. The Japanese women wanted desperately to help. And while I of course appreciated that, I tend to get a little territorial in the kitchen and you know what they say about too many hands/cooks in the kitchen. If I seemed irritated, I'd like to apologize though. Anyway, a delicious pasta and salad was made and the five of us sat down to dinner. And I don't want to toot my own horn, but that pasta was the bomb. 美味しかった！

After dinner we chatted for a while before getting some mats and blankets out for some shuteye. It took no time at all for any of us to fall asleep and before I knew it, I was being woken up for day two...

8/31/2013: Post was corrected. I misunderstood the number of fatalities from the elementary school. I in no way intended to spread false information, or to make it seem like some life was insignificant. I just misunderstood.
More pictures from day 1:

A Confession

“I’m an atheist.”

I remember the first time I actually said these words out loud. January 3^rd  2013. I was visiting a Japanese temple along with a few Japanese people as the token “gaijin” (foreigner). We were going to one of my favorite places and we were walking along the main street with the other hundreds of people trying to complete the annual “hatsumode” tradition within the first 3 days of the year. Narita’s Omotesando (main street) never fails to both comfort and please me. The smell of senbei, a slightly touristy vibe that’s somehow like Asakusa yet distinctly different. One of the Japanese gentlemen in our group was walking next to me, asking me the usual questions: Where are you from? How about Japan  (who taught this question!?)? Can you eat Japanese food? On autopilot I answered these questions, when out of the blue I was suddenly asked, “Are you Baptist or Presbyterian?” I was completely flabbergasted. I’d not been asked about my religion but a handful of times while in Japan, and even when living in the buckle of the Bible Belt I’d never been asked that question. Usually it was some other presumptuous question like “Which church do you go to?” Am I Baptist or Presbyterian!? In my surprise I was able to spurt out an “uhhhh. I’m an atheist”. His could even try to hide his surprise and disappointment. To find out, no only did I not subscribe to either of those Christian groups, or even Christianity itself, but I didn’t even believe in God!

If he was confused from his view, he would have exploded in my head. I had surprised myself by my confession. I almost felt guilty as if I had said something dirty. The word nearly felt shameful. It wasn’t just an announcement to him, but an official one to myself. I had realized I had “lost my faith” a while back, even before coming to Japan. Before coming here I was at an “I don’t really like/agree with organized religion” stage.  Being in Japan where most of the population says they’re Buddhist but don’t actually believe or know anything about it made me realize you don’t have to be Christian. It’s not a default position and there’s no real reason for me to take it.  Being away from the Bible Belt where it’s just assumed that you’re a believer in Christ gave me the freedom to discover what I truly believed or didn’t believe.

The reason I was prompted to write this post is because of this video. I’ve heard from lots of people in the US, and of course other places, who were ostracized from their families and communities for coming out as atheists. I specifically point out the US, because one, that’s where I’m from. And two, isn’t one of the founding principles freedom of/from religion? Regardless of where it is, how can a parent reject their child because of their lack of belief in a god? I can’t imagine how a parent can justify something like that. If god by some chance does exist and judges us after death, how can you think you’ll be granted a place in heaven after damning your own child on earth? And if god did allow you into this heaven, why would you want to be there worshipping someone who condoned such treatment.

I’ll tell you one of the first things that got me questioning religion and god. I was taught that god is my “heavenly father” and that he is the perfect father and that men should look to him as an example and role model. But I couldn’t understand why he would damn homosexuals to an eternity in hell based on who they loved. Why should you be sent to eternal hellfire for love? I couldn’t wrap my head around it. And what made it worse was that I knew that my imperfect dad would never reject me if I came out as a lesbian. He would probably be disappointed and he’d wish it weren’t so. But I knew he’d accept and love me and my partner. How can my dad be more loving than an “all loving” god?

So, how did my family take it when I announced my atheism to them? Well there was no formal announcement, because I didn’t think there needed to be. It came out though and there was quite a reaction from my mom. My mom is quite liberal and of her and my dad, I was least concerned about how she’d take my discovery. My dad, a conservative who still identifies himself as a Catholic despite not having been to a church as far as I can remember and was actually baptized along with the rest of the family in another church, worried me a little bit. But my mom? It didn’t even cross my mind that she’d care. But after it was all said and done, I wondered how I couldn’t see her reaction coming a mile away.

This is basically how it went down. I was telling her my story about the Japanese man over Skype and when I got to the part “So I told him, ‘uh I’m an atheist” (a word that had gotten a bit more comfortable to say at that point), when she blurted out “Wait! What!?” Taken aback (again), I managed a confused “Huh?” This is how the rest of that conversation proceeded.

“What do you mean you’re an atheist?”

“I don’t believe in god?”

“What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing tragic happened?”

“Huh?”

“You know, around here, usually when a person stops believing in God, it’s because something tragic happened so they think that there must be no god”

“No nothing tragic happened. I just got out of the mindset that I have to believe in god. I started looking at things more critically, and I realized I don’t believe in god. Not to say I believe there is no god, but I don’t believe there is one.”

“Oh okay. Carry on.”

“What?” (I was still a bit confused at that point)

“I was worried something bad happened and you hadn’t told me.”

My mom didn’t care about the atheism part so much as the possibility that I may have been too ashamed or scared to tell her that something had happened to me. So dramatic, mom. But in a way that makes me realize how loved I am, and how amazing “imperfect earthly parents” can be.  I haven’t spoken to my father directly about this, but in the same way that I don’t talk to him about who I’m into or if I drank too much on a Friday. He knows and it’s not like an elephant in the room. But it’s not a topic of choice.

I’m really glad that I’m in Japan right now. I think many Japanese people basically assume Westerners are Christians but they so rarely ask about it or make any real judgments based on it. I very freely read the God Delusion on trains and in cafes. I can talk about evolution or science related articles with just about anyone without being told I’m buying into the science community’s conspiracy to lead man away from God. These are all things that I didn’t have the luxury of back in my hometown. I’d like to think that when I go back, people will be respectful and accepting enough. I don’t think atheism defines me, though I know sometimes society thinks it does. I just hope that people don’t try to “save” me as they often did when they found I went to the “wrong” Christian church. But judging from what I see online from the atheist community and from the religious posts that pop up on my Facebook feed, I see no reason to be going back to Texas anytime soon.

English

Today I met one of my friends and we talked about his English, Japanese people's English in general, learning English, etc. we often talk about this, because that is what my friend's job is about. I mean, I guess it's what my job is about to, but it's a bit different.

Anyway, I went into a bit of a rant because I had recently come across people who get all pissy because a Japanese person doesn't speak English. If this is at some place that specifically deals with foreigners - like immigration for example - then, yes I can see your complaint being valid. Japanese bank? Post office? Supermarket? No, you don't get to complain about them not speaking English.

I think from the Japanese side, it would be beneficial for the individual to know some English, for their own personal careers, experience, opportunities, etc. And it would definitely be good for businesses and organizations to have English speaking staff on hand. But for a foreigner to expect, or worse demand, that there be someone to aid them in English is awful imperious, don't you think? You're in Japan. The language of Japan is Japanese. Japanese people use Japanese. You should expect to hear Japanese from Japanese people who live and work in Japan. What right have you to come to Japan and demand that they speak a different language?

I, of course, am not good at Japanese. There're some things I don't think I could do in Japanese - like open a bank account or deal with contract stuff - without a friend's help. So I'm grateful to the English speakers who have helped me - both staff and friends. I realize they are under no obligation to me to speak English. So I appreciate that they do even more.

Okay, rant over.

The wonder of to-do lists

I often write to-do lists, though I seldom use them after writing them. I guess it's merely just a way to clear my mind a bit. Ive got a butt-ton to do these days and I'm not sure where to start. I feel like I need a mountain home that I can escape to and work without distractions. Like writers do in the movies. But those always turn out to be horror movies, and that situation is in no way relaxing. Or conducive to work.

So I'll just suck it up, write some to-do lists, and attempt to follow them.

First item of the evening:
Check out my friend's new blog - WTF People?