What did I get myself into?

This is something I've found myself saying more and more these days.What did I get myself into? It's alternates with "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Since deciding to tie the knot with my now fiance, things have been moving incredibly fast and slow at the same time. Not to sound cliche, but there really is a lot to do and not a lot of time to do it in. 

It's not that there's not a lot of time. It's that there's not a lot of available and usable time. I'm off work, but he's not. Or we're free, but everything is closed. There's also a lot of waiting time - times where we can't make decisions about B until A is finished. Those sorts of things. 

I'm stressed just thinking about this year. That's my style. I tend to be a bit shorter focused than my partner. He thinks about the near future, but he tends to compound the stress by thinking about the more long-term as well. I don't know if that's wise or foolish. Maybe it's both. And since I tend to be so short-sighted, it's probably a really good thing for us. 

There's so much to think about right now: moving me and my stuff, getting things ready for the legal part of marriage, finding and moving into a new place, planning a wedding, planning for a honeymoon, getting ready for the whole "family" thing, and chasing (and catching!) career dreams. 

I can't even describe the stress I felt just typing that last paragraph. I suppose as soon as we get things more settled and determined, I'll be okay. Once we decided what to do about our current living situation, I felt much more relaxed. Granted, the execution of our plan is a far cry from a walk down easy street. But it's a plan. And it's in progress. 

There will probably be posts about updates or rants for the next few months to a year. It's a quick way for me to alleviate some amount of the tension I'm sure to be feeling from here on out. 

And just to put any worrying minds to rest - I regret nothing and I'm very excited for my future.

(Btw, Happy Belated Birthday to a very special man!)

Reflecting on 2014

It's the last day of the year and I'm sitting on the train thinking about this past year. As people are wont to do at this time of the year. 

There were a lot of terrible things that happened in the world. There were undoubtedly good things as well, but the news seldom broadcasts that. I found it too difficult for me to watch at times and I then found myself guiltily turning away and selfishly losing myself in my own happy world. 

And even though I felt guilty doing so, I wouldn't change it. I was so fortunate to have an amazing year. There were a few tough times and there were plenty of tears, but the love that I had around me carried me through those moments. 

I was surprised to learn all the different forms that love comes in. I am blessed with love from parents, family, non-blood sisters, friends, and at times colleagues and students. And this year I also had the new experience of love from a partner. 

This is the love I think about the most these days. As someone who never really liked romance, but still got "girly" at others' stories, I still can't really believe it. That kind of love is real?! I was so lucky to find or be found by my partner. He made my year and life unbelievably happy. And I'm looking forward to calling him my husband.

So, what started at a reflection on the past year quickly became a sappy note about how great my love life is. I used to hate when people did that, but now that I've joined the ラブラブ (lovey-dovey) ranks, I'll offer a semi-sincere apology and post this anyway. 

And then I'm going to go home and make some Toshikoshi soba to ring in 2015. 

How things change!

I've been trying to clean up my photos on Facebook recently. Why on earth do I have around 100 albums?! It's insane. Well I decided to clean up, get rid of, and combine photos and albums starting from the beginning chronologically speaking. 

Abandoned umbrellas were still surprising in 2008

Anyway, I was so amused and intrigued by how the photos I take now are so different than the photos I took before. I should mention that I've been in Japan since the end of 2008 and I'm talking about the difference in photos from then to now.

I had never seen so many bikes at a time before.

Nowadays in 2014, I take pictures of friends, animals, pretty flowers, and so on. These are the same kind of photos I took back in Texas by the way. Only now people are usually sober. But the last few months 2008 and the beginning of 2009 were all of the most mundane things - pictures of my bed, my washer, a bike parking lot, and other things I wouldn't think twice about now. 

I had to use youtube to figure out how to use this.

I definitely felt some nostalgia looking at those pictures, but I also felt some "okay, that can go" too.

Toilets with a tap? So usual!

Blogging 101: Day 1 (About me)

I recently decided to join the Daily Post Blogging 101 Challenge in order to review and learn the basics of blogging. I've been doing it for a while and I've got several blogs, but I'd like to get a refresher on things I've forgotten or just never knew. The first day's challenge is to write an introduction. That may be a strange thing to do at this point, right? But anyway....

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My name is Neena and on the web I often go by Spankybruno, a nickname that I've had since back in the day but comes from a you had to be there story. I grew up an Air Force brat, but I spent most of my time in Texas. I now live in Japan and I've made Tokyo my home. At least for now. I teach English and I spend my free time doing a few different things. I'm often working, hanging out with people, eating, drinking coffee, and blogging. I love trying out new flavors of things like sweets, and because it's spring, I'm really into walking around different parks. 

This blog is one of five, and it's just for me to put whatever I want. Random thoughts, rants, experiences, etc. My other blogs all have very specific themes - cafes, KitKats, or English learning - so it's nice to have an outlet for the other stuff in my head. I could just write everything down in a journal or diary, but there's something about knowing other people can and might read your writing. I think sharing is important somehow. It's why I talk to my mom about things going on instead of just writing it. I want to know that someone else knows what's going on. What's the point of ranting if no one hears/reads it, right?

Anyway, I wish I could say something special or unique about myself or this blog. But I'm just a regular person who thinks she's special enough to warrant others caring about what she thinks. Narcissistic much?

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Fifty Words Exactly

I happened across this Daily Post Challenge the other day and I quite liked the idea. So while waiting for my parents the other day, I wrote this down in my journal. I decided that it doesn't really meet the challenge unless I post it here though. So here it is - my fifty word blog post. 

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There's a big difference between "unrequited love" and mutually exchanged affection. Confessions take so much courage, but it's amazing how a confession can free feelings. Rejection to said confession frees those emotions, allowing them to dissipate and make room for new ones. Reciprocation allows them to blossom into something more. 

Understanding from a High Rise

I went to the 45th floor of the Tokyo Metropolitan Government Office. As I looked out over the city, I felt a mixed sense of fear, loneliness, and luckiness. I seldom see Tokyo from above, and it's easy to forget that it's such a massive city. It's a city that houses about 9 million people just in the center and whose metro area is home to roughly 35 million people.

When you look out on the city, you don't see any of those millions of people. You see buildings.

Some interesting buildings.

Mostly boring ones.

Some famous buildings.

Mostly unknown ones.

Regardless of its traits, the fact remains that from above, Tokyo is an endless landscape of mainly anonymous buildings.

And somehow that scared me. And made me feel alone.

When I'm down in the city, I don't have that sense of fear. Though I still feel a bit lonely sometimes. There are so many people. So many people with no connection to me aside from the place we exist in at that moment. I don't know their names. I don't even take note of their faces. Neither do they me. It's a weird sense to be surrounded by people but feel alone.

So how do I survive this city of seeming solitude?

Why did I feel lucky looking out on such a place?

I have amazing people in my life. It's as simple as that.

Even in such a huge city where there are more strangers in a single day than people you'll know in your entire life, connections are made. People become friends. People fall in love. People start families. People become connected. And parts of those connections become tied to other people.

I used to think Tokyo was just a sea of people. But it's more like a web or net, isn't it? I may not be linked to you directly, but maybe I'm connected to someone who is. Or maybe I'm connected to someone who is connected to someone who is connected to you. Whatever the case may be, somehow we're all connected.

I've had moments of loneliness in Tokyo. But I know how lucky I am to have both found special people and to have been found. It amazes me to think that one lucky chance can bloom into something amazing. But it scares me to think that because of the sheer number of people and the annonimity that comes with it, the odds of those chances seem so low.

But I find it comforting to realize that a web of people increases those odds.

And I find it very fortunate that the odds were in my favor, and I've had that kind of chance.

Biting off more than I can chew: Nerikiri

o I got the wild idea to make nerikiri and shiro-an from scratch as a thank you gift the other day. Word of wisdom for you - if you get this urge, punch yourself in the face. It'll be less trouble and less of a mess. Between mashing beans and cooking water out of the goo and then trying to roll it into some shape, you're going to be spending a few hours on this. YouTube and the internet in general was my teacher and it did as well as it could. But patience is not a strong suit. Neither is general dexterity of my hands. I ended up being able to watch three movies while I boiled, smashed, squeezed, and rolled my sticky mess. I'm not sure if it came out how it was supposed to. It came out as I expected. Acceptable but embarrassingly bad.

Now all that complaining aside,

• Did I have fun? Yes.
• Would I do it again? Not by myself. 
• Would I do it with friends or in a workshop? In a heartbeat. 
• Was it well received and appreciated? I think so. 
• Was it worth it? Definitely.